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    Altiyan's Blog Entry -courtesy of X Factor

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    Admin
    ALTIYAN'S ADMIN
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    Posts : 78
    Join date : 2010-11-28
    Age : 49
    Location : Queensland

    Altiyan's Blog Entry -courtesy of X Factor

    Post by Admin on Wed 08 Dec 2010, 9:06 pm

    Hi everyone,

    This week I’m finally accepting what’s going on. Looking back I’ve been in a bit of denial but now I’m accepting that I’m here and people are really supporting me. I had to shake off 10-15 years of constant rejection. This is the first time in the competition I’ve been feeling quite light on my feet and my spirit is feeling good. I’m actually almost happy. I have to stay in touch with my sorrow, though. I can’t deliver a song unless I’m in touch with that. It brings me back to a gloriously sad place and that’s all I can do to prepare. For me it’s not about the choreography – the song is the show.

    Performing “Living On A Prayer” was a special moment and a turning point for me in the competition. It’s healed a lot of cuts that I’ve been dealt. I’ve felt like the underdog since the beginning so to have such amazing feedback on Sunday was amazing for me.

    I think Ronan is holding steady on his methods. He knows that the less choreography I have to worry about the better it is for me. Instead of worrying about what my next move is or grabbing someone’s hand. It’s things like that that he avoids which has been such a blessing. In other shows I’ve seen other contestants going through the motions but with me Ronan knows even if I’ve been turning left during the rehearsals, on the night I’ll turn right! For me, everything has to remain exactly the same in order for me to be who I am.

    Ronan’s support has been a constant blessing but the worst moment has been messing up the lyrics at Bootcamp. Ronan forgave me twice and to do it a third time made me feel like hiding under a rock. He risked a lot after seeing me crack consistently under the pressure. Initially people made fun of him because he selected me, the dark horse. I feel like he deserves to have me be the best I can be. To come through for him the way I have is just so poetically satisfying. His invitation to join this competition has changed everything for me.

    Last week guest mentor Mel B was so great because she spoke to me on a level that I haven’t been spoken to yet – apart from Ronan. She reminded me about me. She reminded me that I had a part in this. I keep giving out the praise to others for my place here constantly but she said, “I want to hear that you know that you did this and embrace that. It’s OK to be proud.” I really wasn’t expecting that from her.

    I lived a fairly isolated existence before the show. I’m very observant so I’ve seen a lot in The X Factor contestant house – I know everyone’s mannerisms and habits, but I’ll keep them a secret. I’ve been lucky to get my own room so when I’m not enjoying the air outside I spend time in my room reading. Now that there are four acts left it’s never been sweeter in the house. It’s sincere and it’s a beautiful kind of atmosphere. Everyone’s very nice to each other and there’s a great mutual respect. The relationships are more genuine because there are fewer distractions.

    It was really hard to see Amanda go. Her ‘sing for your life’ song was a powerful moment and to see her go after that was confusing. She was developing fast and in my eyes she was the most powerful female vocalist in the contest. I have always loved Mahogany. They gave me the time of day from the beginning and I’ll never forget that. Being a contestant you do miss a lot in the house but I’m really missing my friend Troy. I owe him a lot. He always supported me. Even when I was at rock bottom he used to say, “Don’t you dare give up, you’ve got too much left to give.”

    As far as the contest goes, I’m not feeling competitive. I’m aware that Australia is watching us and judging all of our moves. The right song choices change voting. The only competition that exists for me is getting close to that song. What can I do to help the song seduce me. There’s no challenge when it comes to wondering if I’m going to sing as well as Sally or noticing that Andrew is gaining momentum and Mahogany is getting great stage presence. I just don’t think about that.

    The whole experience has been incredible. I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of talented people. Adam Lambert and Enrique Iglesias said some great things to me. Enrique said, “I like you, man,” in his Spanish accent. One person who really touched me was Lleyton Hewitt. I’ve always been a fan of his. When I heard that he was in the audience after the show and he said, “Can I have a photo with you, Altiyan?” And I thought, “Can I have a photo with YOU, Lleyton?!”

    So the journey continues for just two more weeks. Who knows what’s around the corner.

    Thanks for all of your support. I’m so humbled by it.

    9 kisses,

    Altiyan



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